Wedding Bells

Hi again!  It's "Facebook official" now, so I can announce it.  Caley and Rob are engaged!  What a cute couple, don't you think?  They have set the date for 3/10/13.  (Can you tell Caley's favorite number is 13?)  That date just happens to be when daylight savings time starts up again though.  Sure hope no one is late for the ceremony!

Caley and Rob are very busy right now making preparations.  Once their website is ready, you can read their story.  It is amazing how God has led them together -- and especially how they have let Him guide them in their relationship.  God has blessed, and is blessing, and you will love reading about it!  ~ Caroline <3

Family Photo

Hi Everyone,

Just a quick note with an updated family picture, taken by Rob Gonyea.  Our church secretary is re-doing the church directory and the old picture was.....very outdated.  We are all doing well.  I am actually doing better emotionally after cutting way back on the anti-depressant pills.  Still not getting the greatest sleep, but still smiling.  God is *always* taking care of us!  Love and Blessings to all of you.  

Caroline <3

Holding Steady, Praising God

Hi Everyone,

It's been a long time since my last post and I just wanted to let those of you who don't have Facebook know that I am doing okay. At my doctor's appointment a week ago I found out that my CA-125 is the same as my last reading: 6! My pelvic exam looked good and the doctor wants to see me every 3 months. I thank you all for your love and prayers and I praise God for His answers!

My hair is growing back!  There is more thickness than length, except the temples and sides are thinner (so I didn't take pictures of those areas - ha ha).  Plus there are more white hairs at the sides, which makes it look like I have even less hair there!  Yuk!  Oh well, it will get better!  Naomi calls me her little duck because my hair feels so soft.  =)

Had a little family re-union earlier this month. It was so wonderful and so fun to see everyone -- well, almost everyone. (Wish you and the girls could have made it, Renee.)  Here's a picture taken in our garage.



I am doing well -- but still have some of the same issues. I am trying to wean myself off of the anti-depressant since it doesn't help with the hot flashes like we had hoped. I hate being on medicines and want to get off this one in particular, if I can. Apparently withdrawal symptoms can be nightmarish (as I found out on the web,not from my doctor), so I am going slowly. So far so good. I have noticed a little more crying and slight headaches, but this is nothing compared to some people's experiences. I will continue at this level for a while so my body adjusts and then decrease a little more, gradually, over time. Sure would appreciate your prayers about this. I thought I had found a solution recently to the hot flashes by taking red clover tea, but apparently it isn't consistent.  It does seem to help some nights. Last night I got 7 hours sleep, which is pretty good! Yay!

I tested my pH and found I was on the acidic side (which most of us probably are here in the U.S.), which promotes disease.  So am trying to eat more vegetables and fruits -- been juicing some greens -- in order to get my pH more on the alkaline side.  It's not easy re-training your taste buds!

Well, time to say bye for now. I hope all of you are doing well. Thank you so much for your love and support and encouragement and prayers. I love you all and pray for you, too!   ~Caroline <3

Break Time!

Hello everyone! It's been almost two weeks since my paracentesis. I wrote about it on Facebook, but not all of you are on Facebook, so I will catch you all up on the latest. Thankfully, the paracentesis was scheduled early in the morning on Aug 2, because it ended up taking a lot longer than planned and I hadn't eaten anything since the night before. My CT scan just two weeks earlier had shown fluid near my liver, but it never bothered me -- I couldn't tell it was in there. Well, to make a long story short, the doctor looked with ultrasound and said the fluid pockets seemed much smaller than the CT scan had shown. She tried twice to get fluid out of two different areas where she thought she had the best chance -- on my left side right under my ribs, and down low near my bladder. Both attempts were unsuccessful. The first attempt was close to my ribs and I don't think she was able to get the needle in the fluid at the right angle. The second area had to be verified with a CT scan because it was near my bladder. So they wheeled me into another room. They found the fluid, but the needle would not go through the peritoneal lining. The lining was too thick and the doctor didn't want to push it through too sharply for fear it might go through the small pocket of fluid and out the other side. She said she never saw anything like it before, the way the lining "grabbed" the needle each time she tried. I could feel it too. So strange. Well, she tried her best, and the next week I saw my gyn/onc to discuss what to do next. She was happy that there seemed to be much less fluid than the earlier CT scan had indicated and said it was a good sign. Praise God! So I am getting a break from chemo. I will go back for blood work and a follow-up exam on Sept 20, and every six weeks after that. They will monitor my CA-125 levels, which I am praying will stay low. Usually they see patients every 3 months, but she wants to see me more often since my cancer is aggressive. I feel so blessed to have all of you praying for me, and to have such minimal side effects from the surgery and chemo. The hot flashes are no fun, of course, and they keep me from getting enough sleep -- as does the neuropathy in my hands and feet (mostly feet). So I am pretty much tired all the time. But with God's help I get through each day. Oh yeah! I almost forgot to tell you -- my hair is already starting to grow back. It's very short and fuzzy soft, although it's a little patchy right now. I'm so excited! Hopefully soon it will look good enough to go without a hat or scarf. :) Thank you all SO MUCH for all your prayers. Please keep praying that the cancer will stay away, and that these side effects will get milder over time, so that I can get some decent sleep! Love and blessings to you all. Caroline <3

Good News Mixed with Uncertainty

My CA-125 level dropped to 5 and the CT scan showed no measurable nodules! Praise the Lord! However... there is ascites (fluid) around the liver, and a little thickening of the peritoneal linings near the fluid. The last scan in March mentioned this also. The doctor said it was difficult to determine the nature of the thickening, and I think she said there was more fluid than before. She wants to remove the fluid and test it for cancer cells, so I will be scheduled for an ultra-sound guided paracentesis (basically a biopsy of the fluid) next week. Thank you all for your prayers and please keep them going! ♥ Caroline

Effects of Last Chemo; Waiting for Testing...

Hi Everyone,

I'm so sorry it's been so long since I last updated this blog.  I have no good excuse, except maybe being tired and depressed part of the time.  I didn't really want to write those words, but they're true.  I was hoping to be past all that by now, but I guess it takes time to get better.  I've been taking an anti-depressant for over a month now, but the doctor says it sometimes takes 6 to 8 weeks to really work.  I've never liked taking any pills or medications -- and I still don't -- but under difficult circumstances you do what you have to do to get through.  Anyway, I hope it will work for me.  Trying to be patient...

I feel that my last chemo treatment set me back a little (in side effects), but I am gradually getting better.  And the chemo seems to be doing its job:  my CA-125 level went down to 7 last time!  Praise God!

I had another allergic reaction to the carboplatin immediately after the last treatment -- a red rash on my hands, arms, and stomach.  I had been given Benadryl at the beginning, but still got the rash.  Fortunately, no itching and no trouble breathing.  Just a slight feeling that something was sitting on my chest.  The nurse gave me more Benadryl until the rash went away.  Thank God it was the last treatment!

At my request, the doctor reduced the amount of paclitaxel for the last treatment.  But she didn't reduce it by very much and the neuropathy in my hands and feet is a little worse now.  I was afraid of that.  After the 5th treatment it had been subsiding, but now it is more noticeable.  It's not as bad as some people have it, I know.  The tingling/ numbness sensations come and go.  My hands aren't so bad -- usually it is because I am laying on them that they go numb, but my feet get tingly throughout the day and night.   During the day, I can try to ignore it, but at night it is so irritating!  And sometimes it just feels downright painful, especially at the end of a busy day when I am just wanting to relax in bed.  Massage helps a little.  And my sleeping pill helps too, for a while.  :)

The doctor is letting me continue with my low-dose estrogen patches for about another month and then I have to stop.  I am still experiencing temperature swings, especially at night, so am wondering what it will be like without my patches....  God, please be with me.

On the brighter side -- I have finished my 6th (and hopefully last) chemo treatment!  Yay!  In 4 days (July 20) I will have a CT scan and blood draw, and in 10 days (June 26) I will meet with my doctor to discuss the results.  (I have already posted this on Facebook and asked for prayers, but some of you who follow my blog aren't on Facebook.)  I am trying not to be nervous about this, but it is hard.  I just want a clean scan, and to begin healing, to get my energy back -- and also my hair, eyebrows, and eyelashes!  And I want this cancer to stay away forever.

I've been getting out a little more.  Went to church Sabbath before last, and it was good to see everyone.  Drove myself to Walmart the other day.  Feels good not to be dependent upon others for transportation!

I thank all of you for your prayers and emails and cards and FB posts and texts and phone calls.  And I thank God for answering your prayers and being with me and taking such good care of me!

Much love to you all.  I promise not to keep you waiting; will let you know what the doctor says as soon as I can.
Caroline ♥

5 More Days...

Only FIVE more days until the last chemo treatment!  As I wrote to a friend recently, I can't even believe I am considering going through with round 6.  Round 5 was pretty awful, and I cried out several times during that time that there would be no more chemo!   But I am feeling better now, praise God, and round 6 approaches....


The doctor had said that the effects of each treatment were cumulative and that rounds 4, 5, and 6 were very likely to be worse than rounds 1, 2, and 3.  I was hoping and praying that wouldn't be the case, since round 4 wasn't that bad.


As I mentioned in my previous post, I had decided to forego the Benadryl during round 5, because it gave me restless legs when it wore off.  The nurses give the Benadryl to counteract any potential allergic reaction to the chemo drug(s).  After talking with the nurse, we felt I would be fine without it.  Well, after the treatment, before I was unhooked and set free, I went to the restroom.  While in there, I noticed my hands and stomach were bright red!   I came out and calmly told the nurse about it, and she said it was an allergic reaction to the chemo.  She couldn't get over how calm I had been -- she kept mentioning it.  She then gave me the Benadryl after all -- good thing I was still hooked up.


I was pretty out of it and fell asleep early that night, without dinner and without my laxatives.  Big mistake, as the treatments are very constipating.  Over the next few days, the  aching and fatigue and nausea set in worse than usual, and my gut refused to work.  I lost my appetite and lost weight.  And the neuropathy in my hands and feet started, with the tingling and aching.  I even had some tingling around my nose and mouth, which was scary.  (That went away after the first day, thank God.)  I looked it up on the internet, which wasn't very encouraging.  It said the neuropathy could get better, or it could get worse, and that sometimes it could be permanent.  Big help that was!  That didn't help my emotional state any, and I cried a lot of the time.  To top it off, I wasn't sleeping well for several days in a row, and thought I would go crazy.


To make a long story short, God helped me through all of this in various ways.  My mom was here during the worst of it, and she was a big help.  The doctor prescribed a more effective version of my sleeping med (a time-released version), and suggested something that helped my gut begin to work.  My family helped massage my hands and feet, and the neuropathy subsided somewhat, especially in my hands.  My legs and feet still ache and tingle periodically, especially in the evenings when I am worn out.  My hands tingle once in a while.  My nausea subsided and my appetite returned.  Unfortunately, I am still plagued by fatigue, even when I get a decent night's sleep.  It is hard to explain -- it is a different kind of fatigue -- caused by the chemo.  It's hard because I have so little energy to do the things I used to do.  And that leads to even more boredom, and more emotional episodes.


The doctor prescribed an anti-depressant a couple of weeks ago, which I was reluctant to take.  I hate taking medications.  I hardly ever took even a Tylenol before I got sick.  Anyway, this med may take several weeks for it to really help.  I had stopped taking it during the worst of this experience, and the p.a. told me to give it a chance and continue taking it.  It is known to possibly help with hot flashes, and I think it might be doing that (not sure).  I think that it, combined with the timed-release sleeping med, might be allowing me to get a bit more sleep than I used to get.  So that is good.  :)  (My wonderful husband and daughter also give me massages before I sleep, which helps tremendously!)


I am afraid of these meds and of the withdrawal symptoms I might have if I ever want to stop using them.  But I am also tired of being depressed and crying all the time, so I am going ahead and trying the meds and hoping they will help.  It's so hard to know what to do....


So now I'm 5 days away from round 6.  I intend to ask the doctor to "tweak" the chemo meds, to try to avoid any severe neuropathy or other effects.  Please pray for me as I go through this final round.  Can't wait until this is all over!  


I praise God for helping me through.  He is always with me, even when I can't feel Him working.  


Thank you all for your love and prayers.  


<3  Caroline

Latest Happenings

Hello there, my wonderful friends and family!

Past time for another update, I think.  :-)

Just wanted to let everyone know that I'm doing well.  I am so blessed and God is so good.  I have very little physical pain.  Anything I do have I think qualifies more as discomfort than pain -- irritable legs and feet in the evenings, and --ugh! (the worst) -- hot flashes night and day!  They are awful.  My body temperature goes from hot to cold and back again quite frequently.  It is so frustrating.  And at night time it is more than frustrating -- it can be tear-inducing -- as I toss and turn and toss and turn.  I am using low-dose estrogen patches which the doctor reluctantly prescribed, so I guess it would be worse if I didn't have that!  Talked with the doctor about it when I went for my last chemo treatment, and she said she didn't want me to have anything stronger, PLUS she wasn't going to continue the patches after the chemo treatments were finished.  Too risky I guess.  Oh...no....  I am trying not to think about what life might be like then.  It is already so hard now; getting so little sleep!  God must be sustaining me through the days and giving me energy.  Please pray for me about this, that my body can make adjustments and the hot flashes can go away soon!

I praise God that the chemo effects I experience are so minor though, especially when I know others have it so much worse.  I have seen some patients at the cancer center curled up in pain or throwing up into a trashcan.  Yes, I am blessed.

I am still experiencing what I call "emotional" or "mental" pain -- the weepiness I spoke of earlier.  And it is not easy.  But praise the Lord, I recently had a couple of days with very little of it, which gives me hope.  Last Sabbath I was feeling very well and was able to attend an anointing service for a dear friend after church services.  I didn't attend church, but later thought that I could have.  I had not had any medications since 9 pm the previous night, and my head felt so clear and my energy level was good.  I was so happy.  That night things caught up to me a little, and I did have irritable legs and feet and did end up taking something to help me relax.

Sunday was a good day too.  Steve's co-worker and his girlfriend (will call her L) came over to visit.  L is very knowledgeable about natural remedies, such as herbs and such.  We had a very nice visit, and I asked her about this Chinese root with anti-cancer properties which my mom had just read about on the internet.  L highly recommended it, so I think I will try some.  I didn't realize she was also trained in acupuncture and she offered to do a treatment on me.  I wasn't sure what to think about it, but Steve and I were curious.  I know it's associated with "New Age" thinking, but not sure if that makes it bad.  There are so many things we don't know about the human body, and acupuncture has been around for thousands of years -- there must be something to it.  Well, I agreed to let her treat me, praying to God to be with me.  It didn't hurt, and I just tried to relax.  Can't say that I felt significantly better or worse afterwards; she had said that might be the case.  Very interesting experience though.  Makes me wonder if there is anything to it physically, and if it really physically helps people, or if it is more of a spiritual thing.  Yes, there is so much we don't know about our bodies, but I do know that they are wonderfully and fearfully made!  Praise the Lord!

So Sunday was another drug-free day; I felt pretty good.  But again in the evening I felt tired and a bit anxious.  I took an anxiety pill I think, no pain pills, wanting to avoid the drugs as much as possible, and not use them in the wrong way.  But sleep did not come easy.  Hot flashes took over that night and I was awake so much.  Very little sleep.

Well, then came Monday... Caley was packing to leave.  Oh, the emotions rising inside of me.  So hard!  And on Tuesday she actually left...  I am happy for her and proud of her.  She is going to lead out in the colporteur program this summer -- the same program she was a trainee in last summer.  She loves going door-to-door, meeting people, and selling Godly books and materials.  That kind of job is not for everyone, but she loves it.  So amazing that my shy little girl enjoys knocking on strangers' doors.  God can change anything!  :-)  Please pray for her success and safety this summer as she works for the Lord.  May she and the students have extra angels attending them.

Oh, but how I miss her already!  Had done a lot of housework Tuesday (yesterday) after she left to help keep my mind off of it.  And I did okay, until later when I was too tired to do any more, and I had to sit still.  Started to think (big mistake) and cry a lot.  I cried out to God to help me, but still couldn't stop.  Steve and Naomi tried to comfort me.  I was so tired, and it was getting late.  Finally I asked them to let me be alone.  I had wanted to avoid taking any pills, but finally took a pain pill and an anxiety pill together.  As I lay there I focused on deep breathing, and very soon I stopped crying and started to relax.   I slept better than I had the night before, although I still woke up a bit.  Am so thankful for the sleep.  Am thinking God doesn't always do drugless miracles like I'd like Him to; sometimes He uses doctors and modern medicines.  I just pray He will keep my body safe from ill effects and help me to be able to do away with any kind of pills eventually.  Oh, I can't wait until these chemo treatments are all over, so I can move into the next phase of regaining my strength and health.

So now it is Naomi and me.  School's out and we get to spend more time together (yay!), and she is planning on doing more cooking and cleaning to help me, now that she has more time.  She has applied for some summer jobs, but has not heard back from anyone yet.  The Tijeras Library is her choice job -- hope she gets that one.

Happy news!  My mommy is coming to visit me!  She will be here in 3 days, arriving Saturday evening, and will stay for 12 days.  So she will be here during my 5th chemo treatment.  Am looking forward to spending more time with you, Mom.  You were such a blessing to us during your last visit, even though you didn't feel well.  Am glad you're feeling better this time and I know you will be a big help.

Too bad Mom can't stay through my 6th (and last) chemo.  Am hoping the effects of these next two treatments won't be any or much worse than the first four.  The doctor said to expect that they would, as effects are cumulative, but I'm hoping she's wrong.  Well, I know I have somehow made it this far, with God's help, and I will make it through the next two treatments and then I think the doctor will do a CT scan to check me out.  My hope and prayer is that the scan will be clear and I will be able to stop any more treatments and to get on with my healing and strength-building.

As always, thank you, thank you, thank you for all the love and prayers and encouragement. Seems like I always receive a text, or facebook post, or card, or phone call just when I need them most.  Sometimes they bring on a bout of crying, as I get emotional over how blessed I am.  But they are always a good thing.  May God bless you all.  I love you bunches!

Caroline ©

Great News!

Had chemo treatment #4 yesterday and all went well.  (Have decided to forego the Benadryl next time though as it gives me restless leg syndrome and the nurse said that at this point I am highly unlikely to have an allergic reaction to the chemo drugs.)

Feeling good so far, but that is normal for day 2.  Chemo effects will probably kick in tonight or tomorrow.  (Thank you for your prayers!)  EDIT:  Stomach just started hurting right after I posted this!  Not sure why -- hope it's not the chemo kicking in so early!

The BEST news is that I got my bloodwork results and my CA125 (Cancer Antigen 125) level is now within "normal" range.  Before my surgery it was 120, right before treatment #2 it was 109, right before treatment #3 it was 50, and right before this last treatment it was 11!

Praise God!  The CA125 is not a perfect indicator, but a very good indicator that my chemotherapy treatments are working.  My doctor was VERY happy, and so are we!

Jesus is so kind and loving and merciful and awesome and trustworthy and praiseworthy.  I praise You and thank You, my Lord and Savior, my wonderful God, for all You have done and are doing in my life.  I Love You!

And, as always, thank you my friends and family for your love and prayers.  You lift me up and I love you, too!

Caroline

Happy Weekend... but Crybaby Blues

Yes, I'm still here!  Thanks so much for stopping by to check on me.  I hope each of you are doing well and being blessed and feeling God's love and joy.

Just wanted to let everyone know the latest happenings.  I was very blessed this past weekend with visits from my sister Angie and her husband Bob.  It was so good to see them.  They kept my mind off my self and my spirits up.  Brought me some beautiful yellow roses too.  Thank you, guys!  Love you!  Also thanks to my church family for my pretty red rose on Mother's Day Sabbath, even though I didn't make it to church (or to the pancake brunch on Sunday).  And thank you to Caley's friend Rob who brought me some really pretty flowers and a sweet card.  My husband and girls also gave me lovely cards that made me cry.  I am so blessed!  Caley was gone for the weekend, but came home from Arizona late Sunday, so that was a wonderful way to end Mother's Day, with my family all together again.

Well, chemo is coming up on Thursday -- Round 4 out of 6, moving right along.  Please continue to pray for minimal side effects from the coming chemo, and also for my current issues.  I am torn between trying not to take very many meds and wanting to do something to help my anxiety and "weepiness."  The meds don't seem to help that well anyway, so I have been trying to go without them except in the evening.  But I am so weepy!  I can't stand it, but can't seem to help it.  I cry at sad thoughts and at happy thoughts.  I get restless legs/feet in the evenings, and cry about that!  I think lack of enough sleep doesn't help.

It helps to have something to do.  I didn't cry when Angie and Bob were around.  Had digestive issues, but my sister is family and understood what I was going through, and somehow I just determined to deal with my "gut" and and enjoy their visits.  But afterwards, alone with my own family, I was back to crying.  My family is so good about it (I love you guys so much!), but I want to stop the crying! It's better when I have a project or some housework to do, but my energy is low and so I tire easily, so that doesn't last long!  It would probably help if I got out of this house and did something, but that has been difficult lately with my digestive problems.

I pray and cry out to Jesus when I feel weepy, and try to think of all my blessings and praise Him and thank Him.  After all, if I'm going to cry I don't want to be negative about it! ha ha.  And it does help.  I believe He shortens my crying bouts.  But I still keep struggling with them.

Speaking of counting my blessings, I want to say that my husband and girls are the most wonderful family I could ask for.  They stand by me and help me in so many ways.  They are such a comfort.  I love you so much, my wonderful family.  (oh no, I am starting to cry)

So... I ask you to pray for me.  I suspect it's hormone issues.  Or it could be the chemo, or both.  I will be asking the doctor for help when I see her this week.  The anxiety meds don't really help, the sleeping meds don't really help (only for a few hours).  Maybe my hormone patches aren't strong enough.  I just want something that helps!

I thank you so much for your love and prayers.  Even while I cry, I know I am blessed.  I know there are so many people out there who suffer more than I do.  Things could be so much worse.  And so I rejoice in my God, who is constantly blessing me and in my friends and family who love and pray for me.  I love you all and pray for you too!
♥ Caroline

A Night Out

Hi Everyone!  I know it's been a while since I posted on here.  Got a new picture, courtesy of my friend Diann, so thought I'd "borrow" it and post it up here.  :)  Thanks so much, Diann.  ;-)

Last night I made it to Naomi's school play!  Yay!  Wasn't sure I was going to be able to, due to digestive issues, but we prayed, and God blessed, and I made it, and I'm so glad I did!

The play was wonderful!  It was called "Count the Stars," and was about Abraham's struggle to follow God's leading.  The beautiful and talented Naomi played Abraham's wife, Sarah.  Naomi, you make a beautiful old lady, and with the baby powder in your hair, you smelled great too.  ha ha.  :D

I must say ALL the students did great!  It was so enjoyable and well-done.  Naomi's best friend since childhood, Olivia (Diann's daughter), played Hagar, Sarah's adversary.  Wonderful interaction between the two of you, Naomi and Olivia!  You are both so beautiful and talented.  Love you!

Diann took the family picture of us after the play.  Thanks again, so much, Diann, and thanks for putting it on Facebook so I could "borrow" it!  Love you, too, my friend!

I've been doing okay since the chemo.  A bit lower energy and lower appetite this go-round.  (Think I've lost a few more pounds, which I really can't afford!)  Praise God the pain level has been very, very low. :D Going through a lot of emotional stuff though, crying very easily.  Although it is not physical, it is pain nonetheless, and I appreciate your prayers.  I want to get stronger in my faith and in my emotional state.  I understand the chemo can make some people this way, not to mention the "instant menopausal state" I've been thrown into because of my surgery.  It really helps to have something productive to do during the day, and on those days I do much better.  Watching TV or NetFlix movies isn't really that helpful -- just kind of mind-numbing and a temporary distraction.  It's hard when your energy level is so low, but it seems to be getting better, so I should be able to find more productive ways to spend my time.  Getting out of the house helps a lot, but sometimes I am at the mercy of my digestive system.  Let me just say short outings are the best for now.  It was a true blessing to be able to go to the play last night, it being so far away from home.  :D

I thank God for all my blessings -- they are so numerous!  He is so good to me.   I especially thank him for all of you, and for all the prayers going up on my behalf.  Thank you, thank you, thank you, my friends.  Love, love, love you all!

Caroline  ♥

One Day At A Time

Thank you, all of you, for the sweet comments.  I really like my new wig, too.  Am having to get used to it since it fits pretty snug.  (That's a good thing, huh?!)  After a while, my head feels a little sore.  So I am breaking it in a little at a time.  Probably won't wear it to chemo tomorrow, though.

Yep!  It's that time again.  These last 3 weeks went by quickly I think, and tomorrow will be the start of Round 3.  Please be praying for me!  From past experience, I should feel okay tomorrow and probably the next day, but then the third day is when I feel like a horrible flu-type illness is affecting every bone of my body, along with the nausea.  I know I will need God's help and comfort.

I am the type of person who likes to know exactly what's going to happen.  But this is so unpredictable.  Round 2 was better than Round 1.  What will Round 3 be like?  Trying not to dwell on it (too much), since there's not much I can do, right?  Just need to trust God with each Round, and with each Day of each Round.  One day at a time.  Oh, yeah, and Expect Great Things!  I thank you all for your love and prayers.  You hold a special place in my heart, and I thank the Lord for each of you!  <3

A New "Do"

Hey, guys!  Look what I picked up at the "Look Good, Feel Better" meeting Caley and I went to this morning.  I tried a couple of blonde wigs -- didn't look too bad, but this one seemed the best.  Also got a bag of free makeup!  Am wearing a little of the makeup in the picture.  So what do you think?

Little Monster Blessings

Well, here they are.  Our little monsters!  Last blog I said I had some more blessings

to mention, but had to wait.  That was because Naomi didn't know about hers yet and so I wanted to wait until she returned home from staying at a friend's house.  And then life got a little busy and we finally got a picture taken of the monsters, so now I'm finally posting.  :-)

My wonderful neighbor Carlene made these little monsters for us.  They are "cancer monsters" or "love monsters" to help comfort us through this cancer journey.  Isn't that the sweetest thing!  Cancer affects the whole family, so Carlene made each of us a monster.  She said we could punch them or squeeze them or love them or whatever we wanted.  We're deciding to call them "love monsters," but my monster is the green one with the long arms, and when I swing his arms around and around I think of him beating up those cancer cells!  Steve's monster is the one to the left of mine, with the triangle face.  Caley's is the heart-shaped one, and Naomi's is the one with stripes -- because Carlene and her family have often noted that Naomi is always wearing stripes!

Just had to share.  :-)   Thank you, Carlene, for your sweet thoughtfulness towards us!

Oh, another blessing is that I finally went out to Naomi's volleyball game the other evening.  My friend Diann came out to visit and then took Caley and I into town.   She knows I haven't been getting out of the house much.  It was fun -- so good to see Naomi and her teammates play.  They played the toughest team and did well, but lost.  I'm proud for how well they played!  I did okay being out, but it was a little hard being out later than usual.  I tend to go to bed a bit early since sometimes I wake up at 3 or 4 a.m. and can't fall back asleep.  Often around 7 or 8 p.m. I am very sleepy, and sometimes if I can I'm asleep by 8 or 9 p.m.  (Don't like being awake in the early morning when everyone else is asleep, so am hoping I can get past this little issue.  Wish I could take daytime naps, but have never been very good at that.)  Anyway, I had a little trouble unwinding after we got home from the game, so went to bed a little later than usual.  I'm so glad I went though; it was good to see a few friends I hadn't seen in a while.  Thanks, Diann, for encouraging me and helping me to go.

God is so good to me, and even though I have rough times, I know He is with me.  I hope all of you are feeling blessed also, and feeling God's love for you.  He does love you, and so do I!

Caroline

more to come later

I have more blessings to mention, but need to wait a little bit.  But be looking for more in a few days or so.   :)

Showers of Blessings -- He is SO Good!

Wow, it's been over a week since I posted anything.  Time to say something, don't you think?

God has been blessing me in many ways, and even though I feel a little physically irritable right now, I decided I needed to share -- and then by doing so, maybe I can take my mind off of how my body is feeling, at least for a bit.  :)

So if you count chemo day as day 0, today is Day 10 of Round 2 of chemo.  Going back to Day 10 of Round 1, what a difference I see!  I was feeling so much worse then.  I asked the doctor this time around to "tweak" the chemo meds since they affected me so awfully the first time around.  She did, and between that and God's blessings, I am truly feeling MUCH better.  Praise God!  I am taking very few pain meds compared to last time.

Well, I did NOT go to the "Look Good, Feel Better" program at the Cancer Center last Tuesday.  Caley had a head cold that day and I had a sniffly nose also and felt overall "yucky."  I really wanted to get some scarves, wigs, makeup -- whatever I might find that could work for me.  But I knew I would feel worse if I went.  The clincher was that Caley felt progressively worse as the morning went on, and did not want to drive feeling that way.  So we decided to re-schedule for April 24 (it's every 2 weeks on Tuesdays).  Turns out we had a very nice day hanging out together at home.  And the next meeting will be 2 days BEFORE my next chemo treatment, so chances are I will be feeling much better at that time.

I don't remember which day it was that my friend brought me over a "buff" to wear.  It is a cool piece of seamless tube-shaped headwear that you might see bikers or athletes wearing around their necks, heads, etc., to keep away the sun and sweat while they are out in the elements.  She gave me the one she had bought for herself, and showed me a few ways I could wear it to cover up my hairless head. :)  Very sweet!

Today Steve bought me a few buffs at REI when he went into town to get a little work done.  Turns out we will return a couple of them (one has an insect repellant property which I don't need or want next to my exposed skin - plus it costs $8 more than the others; and the other color just doesn't work for me).  Will hopefully exchange the second one for another one they have there that seems pretty cool.  Hard to judge how it looks on you until you actually try it on.

So now I have a few hats to wear (my mom sent a couple more), plus the big scarf from Naomi (have to wrap it around a few times, but it works), plus a couple of buffs.  So I have some choices.  Can't wait to find some scarves that are specifically designed for cancer patients -- that is, easy to put on, etc.  And maybe a wig!  Think it'll be fun trying them on, and hope I find something that works.

Another cool blessing that happened several days ago (can't remember exactly when) is when a friend asked us for something specific to pray for at his church and God answered the prayer almost immediately I think.  His church prayed for my taste buds and my appetite.  And now my water tastes good!  It tasted nasty before.  Praise God!!  And my appetite has greatly improved.  (Eating more food causes a few problems with some increased personal digestion issues which I don't like), but our main goal here is to gain me some weight!  So we are on a better track now towards that goal.  If you'd like to pray for my digestion issues, which I don't want to discuss in public, I would love that.  Need a miracle or two in that area, and I would definitely let you all know when it happens, and give God all the Glory!

Another blessing that happened recently is I surprised my church friends by showing up during potluck after services.  Wasn't planning to go, but decided I would since I was feeling pretty well.  I had missed communion service (funny, the last church service I attended had been a communion service also!), so we had a small one for me back at my house.  Got to meet our new pastor.  He is so nice, and I believe God sent him to me with a special message I needed to hear.  Basically:  EXPECT GREAT THINGS -- from God, that is.  So that is what I want to do, and what I want you all to do.  Pray for me, and Expect Great Things!

Well, it worked!  Took my mind off my little physical problems.  Better go now though.  Thanks for coming by and visiting my blog.  Love it when you stop and say a few words too.  I love you all and hope you have a happy, blessed week.

Remember:  Expect Great Things!  God is Awesome!

Caroline  <3

Happy Sabbath! Learning to Rest..........

Sabbath is here and just wanted to write a quick note to say hello and wish everyone a wonderful, God blessed day.

As Steve wrote two days ago (chemo day), it was a pretty good day.  And the next day was too.  I felt so good in fact that I got a lot done!  Had a lot of church work to do, and I was determined to do it all and get some stuff in the mail before 5 p.m.  Did I ask God if this was what He wanted?  Well, not exactly.  So, I did it, and I over-did it.  Got it done but did I ever pay for it later!  Felt rotten yesterday evening.  Anxious, overwrought, stressed-out, negative outlook.....   Oh, no!!!!!!!!!  I knew I had messed up big time.

But did my wonderful God leave his "self-sufficient" child alone to suffer?  Did He say "that's your problem, you never asked me what to do, you did your own thing and now you need to deal with it."?  No!  Never!  As always, He was there for me.  He provided me with an awesome husband and daughter to help me through it -- rub my feet, legs, back, talk positive thoughts, help  me to relax, and eventually I was able to sleep.

This morning is much better.  Didn't get as much sleep as I would have liked, but oh, what an improvement, and I will definitely try to nap later.  This is Sabbath, and I will not forget to rest!  Not just sleep, but rest in Him.  Put aside all the worries, stresses, and thoughts about what needs to get done around here.  Spend time with family and friends today, as the opportunity comes.  (yes, am expecting some visitors!)

Today we are watching the Oklahoma Family Camp meetings being streamed online at restoration-international.org.  One of our daughters is there!  She was sneaky and didn't tell any of her friends she was going (well, it was kind of a last-minute decision also).  Wish I could have seen their expressions when she showed up!  So glad she could go.  Anyway, tune in and enjoy some wonderful family-oriented messages.

Happy Sabbath!  Rest in Him!

Caroline :-)

A great day!

Caroline had a great day for several reasons:

1) Limited pain

2) No pain meds throughout the entire day, except 8 AM (for preventive maintenance)

3) Nausea was non-existent

4) Had lots of good food - maybe more than me

5) Energy level was very good

6) Good visit with the doctors

7) Everybody we met today was very positive

8) Chemo went well

9) Caroline got a haircut by a special friend

And Steve had a great day for several reasons too:

1) Caroline had a great day

2) Naomi had a great day

3) Caley had a great day

4) My stress level dropped by about 80%

God bless,

Steve

ROUND 2

Hi everyone.

Second round of chemotherapy has begun today.  Hello from the 4th Floor!  I have approximately 2 1/2 hours left here in the Infusion Suite.  Feeling okay -- just drowsy and very warm.  ☹   The heat on this end of the suite is a bit high, so it's not just me.  ッ

Had an appt with the doc before coming here and she adjusted my meds a bit.  Am hoping for less harsh effects on my system this go-around -- we will see!  Please, please pray!

Have an appt next Tuesday to go to the "Look Good, Feel Better" session, where I can play around with makeup, wigs, and scarves, and maybe get some of that stuff for my own for free.  I have 2 knit/crocheted hats to wear over my just-about-absolutely bald head right now.  One hat was made my neighbor, and one by by mom.  But they may be a bit warm soon.  They are definitely nice at night, keep my head warm and my pillow less hairy.  Picked up some wig/scarf brochures here at the Center -- there are some real cute ones!  Scarves are definitely cheaper than wigs.  Hoping I can get one or two soon. ☺

Benadryl has worn off again I think -- am experiencing that "antsy" feeling in my legs again.  Am going to sign off for now.  More later!  Thanks ever so much for your loving prayers.  I love you all!  ♥  ✞Caroline

Friends!

After not writing for a few weeks, Caroline and I wanted to share some news with you. Some of the best news we have to share are our friends, and yes that includes family too :). Friends are blessings and each friend has their own gift, and that gift is a blessing to others. To name a few, those blessings come in the form of taking care of Naomi, picking up Naomi, taking care of Marcus and Risa, getting a car, getting a distiller, phone calls, cards, massage, visits, music, food, emails, driving help, thoughtful advice, and PRAYERS - all with the common theme of LOVE! And not to leave out Jesus, our best friend. Jesus is like all of our wonderful friends wrapped into one, but His friendship is unsurpassable and of course He is without spots or blemishes - unlike the rest of us. :) What better friend can we have? The really amazing consideration is that He is there whenever we reach out to Him. HE is ALWAYS by our side and He is always there with an answer to prayer, which sometimes comes in the form of friends just like you! On the surface a visit from friend may not seem like a miracle or answer to prayer but why not?

Ok, I know you didn't read the blog to get Steve's perspective on friendship so to fill you in on Caroline's health, in short I can say that the chemo has started out a bit rough. Her energy level is pretty low most all the time and if she has good energy she spends it on a well focused project. She gets localized pains for no apparent reason and they don't want to go away without medical help. Yesterday was rough but today is a great day. The pain is under control which often means that the frustration and the heavy duty anxiety evils are down. Yesterday with the help of a friend, via answers to prayers, Caroline was able to calm and get some much needed rest. Human weakness united with God's power is pretty awesome to observe! We have seen this more than once on this journey so far. Psalm 18:28 tells us that God will enlighten our darkness! That statement can mean different things at different times but when Caroline is sliding down into the pit of despair (largely due to unquenchable pain) that light can be pretty powerful. Last night God gave the wisdom to help get back up and it was amazing to watch. Last night was one of those times when there was light on our pathway. Caroline thinks that some of our friends actually have wings tucked under their clothes. :)

Well, Caroline's hair has started to give itself up to the chemo. She has been a good sport about it and is recognizing that it's just a fact and one of the hurdles we need to jump over. She is looking for scarves and one of our neighbor friends has already crocheted a fancy cap for her. It's quite cute!

This Thursday is the 2nd of six rounds of chemo. We ask that you all will pray for Caroline. And actually the day of chemo isn't that bad. It takes, 7-14 days to reach the Nadir, or low point. But that's a relative term. Again, please lift up Caroline to the Throne of Grace in your prayers.

So on that note we leave you with Proverbs 3:6: In ALL your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths. That's ALL your paths, no matter where you are now or where you are going. Pretty neat isn't it, and tying that with 18:28 (above) he will shine the light on the path and direct us!

God bless!

Let There Be Light! and internet, and phones, etc......

Praise the Lord!  Our electricity came on last night right before midnight, after approximately 12 hours without it.  Thankfully, we had an old-fashioned dial-up phone hanging out in the back room, and flashlights and an electric camping lantern, battery-powered laptop to watch a movie on, and a little charge left on our cell phones.  And, best of all, wonderful neighbors who took our frozen and other foods into their own refrigerator/freezer.  Seems like all our neighbors on our cul-de-sac, except the one directly east, had electricity.  We were apparently on the edge of a major outage east of us. 

But all is good now.  Didn't get cold, or run out of hot water, or anything serious.  God is taking care of us.  Am going moment by moment here, trying to find something to eat now and then that doesn't nauseate me.  Tortilla chips, home-cooked beans, tomatoes, and avocadoes has been a major success, but only at certain times of the day.  Nibbling on thinly sliced apples right now.  So far so good with them.  Just can't do very much at once.

This is hard, but I have to say, God is Good.  I feel like such a wimp sometimes, because I know many have gone through so much worse than I am going through.  But my sweet friend, who's going through her own trials, responded to my text with, "I don't see a wimp in you at all!  You're strong and an inspiration to me."  Thank you, sweet friend, you made me smile.

There really is a lot to smile about.  The skies are blue today, instead of gray with dust and high winds.  (thought a tornado was blowing through here yesterday; wonder about the stories behind all the power outages).  Got a little bit of moisture from the snow last night, and it is already mostly soaked into the thirsty ground.  My beautiful daughter is taking excellent care of me.  And my other beautiful daughter is doing God's work, and having fun, on her mission trip.  Keep Steve in prayer as he is traveling this week.  He needs to focus on his work right now -- I am in good hands here. 

Time to go for now.  Trying to keep these posts shorter rather than longer.  :)

My heartfelt love and thanks to you all for your love and prayers.  You know I pray for you too, and thank my God for you always.

Caroline  ♥

Here We Go.....

The chemo is doing its thing, and I've been fighting nausea (thank you God for medications) and stomach pains today.  A little dry heaves too.  I know this isn't as bad as it could be.  I know God is helping me too, because He promised me in His Word.  But it's still yuck.  Please pray for me!  Ease of symptoms, and peace that passes understanding.

THANK YOU SO MUCH!

Caroline ♥

Last Week's Happenings & Things to Come (long post)

Hi Everyone,

Sorry it's been so long since my last post.  I've been wanting to get it done for several days, and even started a couple of times, but then just got distracted, ran out of of energy, or something!  Anyways, I just did it again!  Wrote 2 sentences and then got distracted with other things: Facebook, phone calls, etc.  Aargh!  So...I will try to focus on this now for longer than 2 minutes.  This will be a long post, I suspect.  Don't mean to bore anyone, but I want this for documentation for myself later, because I know I will forget details... :)  I know some of you will be interested, since I haven't been communicating very much with you - sorry!  I hope you will keep reading until the end because there is some important info there about the upcoming weeks and I will be needing your wonderful prayers -- VERY MUCH!

Just realized my last post was 10 days ago.  Steve wrote the most recent post 8 days ago.  At that time I had just had the "chemo port" installed and we had (at my request) just postponed the start of the chemo treatments for 6 days, from March 9 to March 15.  (Yes, that was yesterday!)  It was hard to do because we also learned that day that my CT scan the day before showed the cancer was on the outside of my liver and other surrounding areas.  The doctor agreed to wait, but only 1 week.

I was feeling run down and the insertion site for the port was still raw and sore.  I just needed more time to heal and get stronger, and I am so thankful for that extra time.

So the week went pretty well.  I was taking medications which made me feel better, but then because I was feeling okay, I would over-do things and feel more poorly in the evenings.  I (pretty much) learned to stop that, would force myself to take naps, and that helped a bit.

What I didn't realize was that I was running out of my most potent medicine.  If I hadn't have postponed my chemo for 6 days I wouldn't have run out.  And there was no refill on this particular drug since it is a controlled med.  So the DAY BEFORE my chemo, I realized I had 2 pills.  No problem, I thought, I will call the physician's assistant and get a prescription renewal.  I took one in the morning, called the hospital, could only get through to a person who told me there was a 24 to 48 hour advance notice required to get a renewal.  I begged them to try to get it earlier than that.  They said they would try.  Waited for a phone call.  I held onto that last "golden pill" and took Tylenol and Ibuprofen, which weren't as effective.  Called the hospital later in the afternoon, left a message, never heard anything back, so resigned myself to the fact that there would be no more of those wonderful pills.

I had wanted to go into chemo feeling well, and now I was stressing.  I didn't want to take my last pill until right before bedtime, but I was feeling worse and worse.  (I realized later that I was probably experiencing withdrawal symptoms from that potent drug - yikes!)  I just wanted to cry!  I sent out a cryptic prayer request on Facebook (no details, just PRAY!), and immediately started receiving responses.  This was sometime before 8 p.m.  It was amazing!  I didn't take my pill until 10:30 p.m., but I started feeling better way before then.  Once again, (no surprise!) God heard and answered all the wonderful prayers of my wonderful, faithful friends and family.  He is so AWESOME!  I love Him!  And I love you guys too.  ☺

As I mentioned on Facebook, I got decent sleep and in the morning we headed to the UNM Cancer Center.  Got there at 8 a.m.  There was a delay, but finally got my blood drawn (through my chemo port -- yay!  no pokes in my arm) after a while, and then went to my 9 a.m. appointment to see the doctor before the chemo.

All this time I was relying on my awesome God to help my Tylenol and anxiety medicine to control the pain, and He came through.  It wasn't the easiest, but it wasn't so bad.  I knew people were still praying and God was still answering.

Finally got up to the chemo suite and had to wait again!  It was a long time.  I'm not sure how long.  I sent some posts from my phone to Facebook, but they didn't go through, so I don't have a record of how long I waited, but eventually I got a chair in the suite, and some warm blankets.  Waited a little while, had consultation with the nurse, and finally the chemo could start.  Ate some lunch, and after a while was feeling nice and drowsy, thanks to the Benadryl they gave me.  I was feeling good.

Everything went very well.  Had a time period later on when I felt super irritable and my legs felt "antsy" and later a nurse told me it was probably due to the Benadryl wearing off.  But I got past that, with God's help.

Finally the chemo ended at about 6 p.m.  And finally we got home about 7 p.m.  I was so drowsy.  Was on the couch, didn't want any dinner.  Steve told me just go to bed!  So I did, after taking my nausea medicine as directed, and also one of my new prescription of pain pills (yay!)  I slept really well.

I am now trying to be careful with those more potent pain pills.  I do NOT want to experience any more withdrawal symptoms!  That was awful.  I am taking nausea pills every 8 hours, and this is actually a preventive step, because the nausea and bad side effects are not expected to happen for several days.  But hopefully they will be less because of the medicine I'm taking now.

As I mentioned on Facebook, I should expect to feel effects probably around the middle of next week.  I just hope and pray they are not too awful.  I should lose my hair also.  As my immune system takes a downslide, I should experience the worst of the side effects (nausea, metallic taste in my mouth, possible mouth sores, numbness and tingling in my hands and feet) between 6 to 10 days after treatment, and then I should get better and then I will have treatment #2 three weeks afer the first treatment (that would be April 5).  Each treatment will be about 6 hours long, and there should be 7 treatments total if I remember correctly.  I will have to be very careful about not catching any germs during those times when my immune system is the most suppressed.

Oh, yeah, the effects of the chemo drugs are cumulative so the last 3 treatments should be harder than the first 3.  I will definitely need LOTS of prayer.  So I thank you (and God) in advance.  I know there is POWER in prayer, and it comes from my faithful, awesome, loving, merciful, beautiful, gracious, trustworthy, and praiseworthy Savior, Lord, and King.  I am amazed at how much He loves me and helps me.  I give Him ALL the glory.

I thank you all.  I love you all.  May God bless you all.
Caroline ♥
(I'm tired; need a nap)

Complicated situation

This is coming from Steve. Please forgive my writing style and and lack of continuity that you will find in Caroline's fine writing style.

It's not easy to determine what is best for general consumption and publication. Should we tell everything, the good, the not so good, the bad? Should we limit it to positive thinking? Should we only post the facts and leave it at that? Well, we have determined that it's best just to be open and honest with you all. We don't want to hide anything from anybody but we also don't want to be a downer either. But the fact is that Caroline has an aggressive cancer in her body right now as I type. It's an ugly fact in our lives right now. As we tell you about these things please respond with prayer. Tell God how much we humans need his help to overcome this sickness. We also feel that by being open with everyone that this will help you to know what to pray for and understand Caroline's situation. We do believe that if it His will that Caroline will be totally healed of this disease, not just remission, but true healing.

Yesterday the "Port" was put in just below Caroline's collar bone. Listening to the doctors talk about this procedure you would think we were going in for a routine oil change. However, the reality is that it's not routine for the human body. The surgery set Caroline back a bit with some new pains to try to mask with medications. It's just not routine!

We had a pre-chemo meeting with the doctor today. As you may know the plan was to start chemo tomorrow but given the setback with the port we are now looking at starting next Thursday. On Tuesday a CT Scan was done to get a base line for cancer growth. We received the results today. This is not the news we were wanting to share with you. But again to be open and honest... there is "borderline - mild adenopathy" (enlarged lymph node) near the sternum and suspected cancer in a few places on the liver. All of this may have existed before the surgery but we don't know that for certain because the same type of CT scan (with contrast) was not done a few weeks ago so these may have gone previously undetected. On the bright side the level of the cancer marker, CA 125, which was once 120 is now 53. A normal level is about 30. We are headed in the right direction. Praise God!

You can all do research on the cancer. You will soon find it's an ugly one and one that likes to travel throughout the body. We are struggling with what treatment to use. Nobody can make a decision about the right treatment without standing in the door and facing it yourself. I think it's akin to someone without kids trying to give advice to parents. And not only that but no two people are alike and no two cancers are alike. There is no flowchart to look at. There just isn't an easy answer.

We have determined that we want and intend that God be glorified in this process. That sure sounds good doesn't it? Now put it into practice or as a good friend puts it, "now put shoes on it..." How do we glorify God in this process? How do we know which is the right treatment when facing a disease with an 85-95% 5-year failure rate using the best of modern medicine and the track record for natural treatments is unknown and not tracked, except for anecdotal evidence. Like I said, do your research. You won't like what you see. So coming back around, we want to glorify God regardless of the outcome. We want to know God's will and put Caroline in God's hands so that he is glorified. If it means to put Caroline in the hands of the brains of the many smart people who have developed and now provide treatments using a caustic drug combination of Platinum and Taxol, that's cool we are good with that. If it's to use a natural approach we are good with that. Or do we do both? Our dilemma at this time is that we really really are not convinced one is better than the other. Both sides present good arguments. Maybe it's both I don't' know and I don't think you can convince me one over the other. But.....

My whole point of the last paragraph is to ask God to cleanse your hearts (see James 5:16) as we solicit your humble yet powerful prayers to the one and only God that put over 100s of billions of galaxies in motion and designed and then created our exceedingly complex bodies together. We ask for prayers of peace that surpasses all human understanding and a wisdom to determine the best treatment(s). You, working together with us, and all of us working together with God I think we have a good shot at this. Caroline and I both think and believe that the key is glorifying God in this process. We don't know the outcome but God's thoughts and ways are higher than ours ever could be. See Isaiah 55:8. Who better to place our trust in. This is serious business.

Busy Start to a Busy Week

Hi everyone,

Some of you may have read some of this on a group text I sent out earlier, but my phone is having issues with storage space and I don't know who got what.  Figured this blog is the best place to make updates, and hopefully most of my friends and family will get in the habit of checking here.  You can subscribe to get email notifications if that makes it easier. :)

So this morning started early.  Woke up at 2 to take some meds, then could not go back to sleep.  After a couple of hours, I got online (nothing much happening at that hour), chatted with another early riser for a few minutes, disturbed Steve, turned off the computer, then slept/rested a little bit more until we had to get up to head for the hospital and school.

Steve dropped me off at the UNM Cancer Center at about 7:20 or so, and headed to Corrales with Naomi.  I checked in (early), finished drinking my 24 oz. of water at about 7:45 or so, right as they called my name.  The girl, Jenny, was awesome.  She talked with me, put an IV in my arm (almost painlessly), put the iodine dye in my veins (weird feeling but not horrible), and did the CT scan.  I think I was out of there by 8:05.  And of course Steve was not back from Corrales yet.  So I hung out in the waiting room for a while.

Had had nothing to eat that morning, so we had to get something before the Q&A session at 9:30 with the physician's assistant (PA).  Went to Whole Foods and got a small amount of fresh fruit (should have got more) and took some meds with it.  Was feeling decent, but drowsy, during the meeting.  The PA took her time with us; we had a lot of questions.  Then we met up with the patient navigator, who took us on a tour of the chemo suite on the 4th floor.  They really do try to make you as comfortable as possible there.  Was very helpful to me to know what to expect on Friday.

Decided to get some blood drawn today instead of on Thursday, so maybe we would have the CA-125 marker level information by then.  That will provide a baseline for future blood tests, to see how effective the treatments are.  The CT scan I had done today will do the same thing -- provide a baseline.  Not sure when the results of that will be available -- I would hope by Thursday when I meet with the doctor.

So tomorrow (Wednesday) I get the chemo port put in.  I should be out for that, and a bit "loopy" afterwards.  I believe they will "install" it right below my collarbone on the right side of my chest.  My meds and chemo will be able to be administered through the port, and blood can be drawn through it also.  No more needle pokes in my arms!!

So, yes, I am going to the cancer center/hospital 4 DAYS this week.  Yuk.  Was going to have the chemo Thursday, after the doctor consultation, but they rescheduled to Friday, which sounds like it could be less hectic.  As long as I don't hear any word that the doctor wants it on Thursday (she is not there on Fridays), it will be on Friday.  But future treatments, every 3 weeks, will be on Thursdays.

Treatments should last about 6 hours.  So I will be in the chemo suite, in a comfortable chair, with big windows, with the stuff dripping into my port, all that time.  Have to bring food, and stuff to keep my mind occupied.  Will be a long day Friday.  But I shouldn't have any side effects -- yet!  They will kick in later.  Have to take my meds before they kick in to minimize any effects.  I know you all will be praying for me and I will need it.

I will lose my hair, so need to cut it before then......

I am very tired now.  My gut's been acting up, with all the activity today, and although it is good that it is "working" a bit better than it has been, it also kind of hurts.  Hope to get this all under control and get a good night's sleep.  That will help a lot.  Especially since I can't have anything to eat again in the morning, and my procedure is at 9 a.m.

Please PRAY.  It REALLY helps.  God loves to answer your prayers!!  He is so Faithful and True and Good and Awesome and Loving and Merciful and Trustworthy and Praiseworthy.  So let us PRAISE Him and give Him all the glory.

Gotta go now.  I'm beat.  I (or someone) will let you know how it goes.  Stay tuned.....

Caroline  ♥

CT Scan Tuesday

Tomorrow morning I am scheduled for a CT scan.  Pray for it to show no new tumors/spots since the surgery.  The doctor wants to start chemo this week, but pray with me that either I will be strong enough or the doctor will agree to give me a little more time to get stronger.  It is so hard to eat well and take those nasty-tasting nutrients when you feel nauseated or are in pain.  My intestines seem to be taking a long time to heal from the colon re-sectioning.  But my scar is healing nicely and I have more energy overall.  Just the digestion thing is not working so great -- and that's so important in getting stronger......

Thanks for your love and prayers, everyone.  I love you all.  Caroline ©

Balancing Act

Balance is so important, and so difficult to achieve sometimes!  It's especially important when you're sick, right?  The devil throws stuff at you and before you realize it you are stressing over stuff which it seems no one else can take care of but you.  That's when God has to step in and remind you: Give it to Me, Let others handle it, Get some rest.  Oh, how hard that is to do.

Things are coming together for Naomi's mission trip.  Lot of stressing going on last night, but it's all good now.  God has our backs!

Thank you, Lord, for taking care of things.  Yes, we have to do our part it seems, but help us to remember to relax a bit more in the process.   All my love, Caroline

My First Post

Very first post on my very first blog.  So much to say, where do I start?  Well, as the blog description says I've recently been diagnosed with uterine cancer.  And not a simple one either -- it would have to be a rare, highly aggressive cancer.  Surprising to us all (even to the doctor), but not to our sovereign God.  He knows all about it, has allowed it, and will see me through this.  I put my trust in Him.

So much has already happened since my first doctor checkup on January 17, 2012.  Had major "debulking" surgery on February 8, in which the doctor removed every speck of cancer she could see, and took out about 1/3 of my colon.  Recovery has been difficult, but God is so good, and I know He is holding me.  I don't know how people go through this type of stuff without Him -- truly.

More later......  Caroline ♥