Hello there, my wonderful friends and family!
Past time for another update, I think. :-)
Just wanted to let everyone know that I'm doing well. I am so blessed and God is so good. I have very little physical pain. Anything I do have I think qualifies more as discomfort than pain -- irritable legs and feet in the evenings, and --ugh! (the worst) -- hot flashes night and day! They are awful. My body temperature goes from hot to cold and back again quite frequently. It is so frustrating. And at night time it is more than frustrating -- it can be tear-inducing -- as I toss and turn and toss and turn. I am using low-dose estrogen patches which the doctor reluctantly prescribed, so I guess it would be worse if I didn't have that! Talked with the doctor about it when I went for my last chemo treatment, and she said she didn't want me to have anything stronger, PLUS she wasn't going to continue the patches after the chemo treatments were finished. Too risky I guess. Oh...no.... I am trying not to think about what life might be like then. It is already so hard now; getting so little sleep! God must be sustaining me through the days and giving me energy. Please pray for me about this, that my body can make adjustments and the hot flashes can go away soon!
I praise God that the chemo effects I experience are so minor though, especially when I know others have it so much worse. I have seen some patients at the cancer center curled up in pain or throwing up into a trashcan. Yes, I am blessed.
I am still experiencing what I call "emotional" or "mental" pain -- the weepiness I spoke of earlier. And it is not easy. But praise the Lord, I recently had a couple of days with very little of it, which gives me hope. Last Sabbath I was feeling very well and was able to attend an anointing service for a dear friend after church services. I didn't attend church, but later thought that I could have. I had not had any medications since 9 pm the previous night, and my head felt so clear and my energy level was good. I was so happy. That night things caught up to me a little, and I did have irritable legs and feet and did end up taking something to help me relax.
Sunday was a good day too. Steve's co-worker and his girlfriend (will call her L) came over to visit. L is very knowledgeable about natural remedies, such as herbs and such. We had a very nice visit, and I asked her about this Chinese root with anti-cancer properties which my mom had just read about on the internet. L highly recommended it, so I think I will try some. I didn't realize she was also trained in acupuncture and she offered to do a treatment on me. I wasn't sure what to think about it, but Steve and I were curious. I know it's associated with "New Age" thinking, but not sure if that makes it bad. There are so many things we don't know about the human body, and acupuncture has been around for thousands of years -- there must be something to it. Well, I agreed to let her treat me, praying to God to be with me. It didn't hurt, and I just tried to relax. Can't say that I felt significantly better or worse afterwards; she had said that might be the case. Very interesting experience though. Makes me wonder if there is anything to it physically, and if it really physically helps people, or if it is more of a spiritual thing. Yes, there is so much we don't know about our bodies, but I do know that they are wonderfully and fearfully made! Praise the Lord!
So Sunday was another drug-free day; I felt pretty good. But again in the evening I felt tired and a bit anxious. I took an anxiety pill I think, no pain pills, wanting to avoid the drugs as much as possible, and not use them in the wrong way. But sleep did not come easy. Hot flashes took over that night and I was awake so much. Very little sleep.
Well, then came Monday... Caley was packing to leave. Oh, the emotions rising inside of me. So hard! And on Tuesday she actually left... I am happy for her and proud of her. She is going to lead out in the colporteur program this summer -- the same program she was a trainee in last summer. She loves going door-to-door, meeting people, and selling Godly books and materials. That kind of job is not for everyone, but she loves it. So amazing that my shy little girl enjoys knocking on strangers' doors. God can change anything! :-) Please pray for her success and safety this summer as she works for the Lord. May she and the students have extra angels attending them.
Oh, but how I miss her already! Had done a lot of housework Tuesday (yesterday) after she left to help keep my mind off of it. And I did okay, until later when I was too tired to do any more, and I had to sit still. Started to think (big mistake) and cry a lot. I cried out to God to help me, but still couldn't stop. Steve and Naomi tried to comfort me. I was so tired, and it was getting late. Finally I asked them to let me be alone. I had wanted to avoid taking any pills, but finally took a pain pill and an anxiety pill together. As I lay there I focused on deep breathing, and very soon I stopped crying and started to relax. I slept better than I had the night before, although I still woke up a bit. Am so thankful for the sleep. Am thinking God doesn't always do drugless miracles like I'd like Him to; sometimes He uses doctors and modern medicines. I just pray He will keep my body safe from ill effects and help me to be able to do away with any kind of pills eventually. Oh, I can't wait until these chemo treatments are all over, so I can move into the next phase of regaining my strength and health.
So now it is Naomi and me. School's out and we get to spend more time together (yay!), and she is planning on doing more cooking and cleaning to help me, now that she has more time. She has applied for some summer jobs, but has not heard back from anyone yet. The Tijeras Library is her choice job -- hope she gets that one.
Happy news! My mommy is coming to visit me! She will be here in 3 days, arriving Saturday evening, and will stay for 12 days. So she will be here during my 5th chemo treatment. Am looking forward to spending more time with you, Mom. You were such a blessing to us during your last visit, even though you didn't feel well. Am glad you're feeling better this time and I know you will be a big help.
Too bad Mom can't stay through my 6th (and last) chemo. Am hoping the effects of these next two treatments won't be any or much worse than the first four. The doctor said to expect that they would, as effects are cumulative, but I'm hoping she's wrong. Well, I know I have somehow made it this far, with God's help, and I will make it through the next two treatments and then I think the doctor will do a CT scan to check me out. My hope and prayer is that the scan will be clear and I will be able to stop any more treatments and to get on with my healing and strength-building.
As always, thank you, thank you, thank you for all the love and prayers and encouragement. Seems like I always receive a text, or facebook post, or card, or phone call just when I need them most. Sometimes they bring on a bout of crying, as I get emotional over how blessed I am. But they are always a good thing. May God bless you all. I love you bunches!
Caroline ©
