Praising God for The Good and the Bad; The Beautiful and the Ugly

A LOT can happen in 3 months, both good and bad!  And so as each day has zipped by, I've felt more and more emotionally overwhelmed when I've thought about updating this blog.

But it is time.

Some of you will be familiar with much of what has happened, maybe because you've kept up with it on Steve's Facebook account, or you've emailed or called.  But some of you will only know a small part of it, or not much at all.  I'm sorry I can't recount it completely, and I apologize if I forget some of it, but it is hard to keep the tears from flowing as I type.

Last time I told you that, according to my cancer antigen numbers and my latest CT-scan results, my cancer had recurred.  The doctor had already used the best chemo option available for this type of cancer, and did not want to go down the chemo trail again since it was so physically hard on me.  She briefly mentioned the possibility of a clinical trial drug, but couldn't say much about it yet.  So our next doctor appointment was scheduled for February.

In the meantime......Steve and I went on a trip to Modern Manna's program, BellaVita, where we did a "ten-day cleanse."  It felt wonderful to truly follow, to the best of our abilities, God's 8 laws of natural health, also known as NEWSTART.  The letters stand for Nutrition, Exercise, Water, Sunshine, Temperance, Air, Rest, and Trust in God.  What an awesome physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual cleansing.  And what incredible food -- raw, vegan, and SO delicious! 

Tempting?  Hee, Hee, Hee.

Yes, we were spoiled.  I won't go into any details about our cleansing experiences.  Some of it seems weird if you've never heard of it before, but it is all part of God's plan for taking the best care of our bodies that we can.

I must say though, that although we felt so much better in many ways, I had been feeling some lower back pain while we were there.  I thought perhaps it was due to sore muscles from using some of the exercise machines there, and from getting more exercise than I had been previously.  So I tried to take it easy and expected that it would get better with time.  But it didn't.  Plus, after getting back home we found that my CA-125 number had jumped from 28 on Jan 7 to 146 on Feb 6.  We decided to wait until after our daughter's upcoming wedding on March 10th before getting anymore CT scans or blood work done.

Well, that was the plan anyways.....

I can't remember all the details, but there came a day in late Feb when I felt a lump above my belly button.  Very scary.  On March 1 Steve and I drove up in separate vehicles to Santa Fe, where my doctor had appointments periodically.  The doctor ruled out the likelihood of hernia, but could not really say what that lump was.  It was very visible, but did not hurt.  She scheduled a CT scan and dr. appt. for March 7.

Well, the CT scan showed the lump to be some kind of accumulation of fatty tissue, or something weird, but not cancer.  That was the good news, but the bad news was that my CA-125 was now up to 303 and the CT scan showed new tumor activity.  My lower back continued to ache.  Ibuprofen (about 800 mg) seemed the best helper for that.

Not great news, but not much time to think about any of that because Caley's wedding was right around the corner -- and we had a houseful of GIRLS!!  What in the world were we thinking??

Sunday, March 10!

Finally the big day had arrived.  Caley had worked so hard, and it all came together beautifully.  I don't know what the boys were doing (they were staying with Rob), but the girls worked together and, with God's blessings, made Caley's dream come true!

So many friends and family with huge smiles on their faces!  You couldn't help but smile automatically too!

Proud Mama!

I Think We Had the Cutest Bible Boy and Prettiest Flower Girl Ever!

Mixed Emotions

Making Their Get-Away!

There are so many details left out, but that's okay because I think you can go to RobandCaley.com for more info.  I do apologize for not putting their website on here sooner because they had live-streaming and more of you might have been able to watch the wedding from your computers.

While I would like to spend more time talking about our daughter Caley's wedding and our daughter Naomi's high school adventures (Naomi and several classmates won 1st place in their basketball tournament in Keene TX, went to NYC on a mission trip and to DC for their senior trip, and participated at the annual SWAU Musical Festival), I guess I do need to wrap this up and talk about what's happening to me and my journey through cancer-land.

CLINICAL TRIAL

We were finally able to learn more about the clinical trial my doctor had mentioned previously.  Basically it should affect the cancer by affecting the biological pathway(s) of the cancer cells, keeping them from growing, or at least growing significantly.  You can probably tell I don't know what I'm talking about.  I have not reviewed the papers about the study in a while, and am very, very tired right now, just trying to get this post finished and out there for you to read.

I signed up to start the trial, and started my first infusion on April 4.  The first week was pretty hectic with lots of pre-infusion lab studies and tests, etc.  Things are more calm with that part now.  Basically the infusions are for half an hour every Thursday, and every so often there are different lab studies and blood work, and about every month or so there are scans to see what's happening inside me.

In the mean time, the doctor and P.A. had been working with me to find the right combo of pain meds to best alleviate my suffering.  Nothing was really helping that well, except for ibuprofen as I mentioned earlier.

I'm pretty sure (life gets more and more confusing lately) it was the afternoon of the second infusion, as we were trying to finish up to be able to get home.  The ibuprofen I had taken earlier in the day had worn off and my "pain level" was just getting worse and worse.  The oxycodone was not helping.  I was wiggling around and grinning and bearing it, like I often do, but one nurse noticed that I was in pain.  She got in touch with the doctor, and after some discussion, the doctor authorized them to get me some morphine through my port which was still open.  Steve and I were hopeful that I might at last get some relief -- but it didn't really help that much!  We were so disappointed!

Well, one good thing was I slept for a few hours straight after I got home that evening.  I was so exhausted!  I was confused, thinking it was morning time when I woke up.  Had to get re-oriented, and eat dinner, and praise God, I slept some more during the night, after increasing some of the levels of the pain meds that evening.

Another good thing -- I was scheduled for a bone scan the following Tuesday.  So along with my clinical trial infusion on that Thursday, I also met my doctor's working partner (my doctor was out of town), and had a consultation with the radiation oncologist about setting up some radiation treatments.

Yes, the bone scan showed that the cancer has moved into my bones, causing my pain. But apparently radiation can be used to reduce that type of pain.  It cannot be expected to cure the cancer, just merely to reduce the pain.  Crazy, huh?

This has been a rough journey, but as we've seen, there are lots of God's blessings to be found along the way.  I am not quite understanding it all though.  I admit I still struggle with the rough stuff.  Thank you for your love and continuing prayers.  I need them so much!  And your forgiveness too, for not keeping in touch and explaining things more often.  I do love you all and am praying for you too.  Praying for your health (it is precious), and happiness, and every good thing God can bestow.  And praying that if I don't see you again on this Earth, we will meet again in His Heavenly Kingdom.

Blessings to you all!  (Hey, it's snowing outside.)

Caroline    

p.s.  Yes, these infusions do have side effects, not pleasant, but I do get to keep my hair!!  Can't think too straight right now.  Major one that comes to mind right now is low appetite and mouth sores -- awful.  Hopefully we will see some benefits from all this, and especially in the future with possible development of a new drug that could help so many people.  Of course, God is the Master Physician, I will never forget that!