Thursday, July 26, 2012

Good News Mixed with Uncertainty

My CA-125 level dropped to 5 and the CT scan showed no measurable nodules! Praise the Lord! However... there is ascites (fluid) around the liver, and a little thickening of the peritoneal linings near the fluid. The last scan in March mentioned this also. The doctor said it was difficult to determine the nature of the thickening, and I think she said there was more fluid than before. She wants to remove the fluid and test it for cancer cells, so I will be scheduled for an ultra-sound guided paracentesis (basically a biopsy of the fluid) next week. Thank you all for your prayers and please keep them going! ♥ Caroline

Monday, July 16, 2012

Effects of Last Chemo; Waiting for Testing...

Hi Everyone,

I'm so sorry it's been so long since I last updated this blog.  I have no good excuse, except maybe being tired and depressed part of the time.  I didn't really want to write those words, but they're true.  I was hoping to be past all that by now, but I guess it takes time to get better.  I've been taking an anti-depressant for over a month now, but the doctor says it sometimes takes 6 to 8 weeks to really work.  I've never liked taking any pills or medications -- and I still don't -- but under difficult circumstances you do what you have to do to get through.  Anyway, I hope it will work for me.  Trying to be patient...

I feel that my last chemo treatment set me back a little (in side effects), but I am gradually getting better.  And the chemo seems to be doing its job:  my CA-125 level went down to 7 last time!  Praise God!

I had another allergic reaction to the carboplatin immediately after the last treatment -- a red rash on my hands, arms, and stomach.  I had been given Benadryl at the beginning, but still got the rash.  Fortunately, no itching and no trouble breathing.  Just a slight feeling that something was sitting on my chest.  The nurse gave me more Benadryl until the rash went away.  Thank God it was the last treatment!

At my request, the doctor reduced the amount of paclitaxel for the last treatment.  But she didn't reduce it by very much and the neuropathy in my hands and feet is a little worse now.  I was afraid of that.  After the 5th treatment it had been subsiding, but now it is more noticeable.  It's not as bad as some people have it, I know.  The tingling/ numbness sensations come and go.  My hands aren't so bad -- usually it is because I am laying on them that they go numb, but my feet get tingly throughout the day and night.   During the day, I can try to ignore it, but at night it is so irritating!  And sometimes it just feels downright painful, especially at the end of a busy day when I am just wanting to relax in bed.  Massage helps a little.  And my sleeping pill helps too, for a while.  :)

The doctor is letting me continue with my low-dose estrogen patches for about another month and then I have to stop.  I am still experiencing temperature swings, especially at night, so am wondering what it will be like without my patches....  God, please be with me.

On the brighter side -- I have finished my 6th (and hopefully last) chemo treatment!  Yay!  In 4 days (July 20) I will have a CT scan and blood draw, and in 10 days (June 26) I will meet with my doctor to discuss the results.  (I have already posted this on Facebook and asked for prayers, but some of you who follow my blog aren't on Facebook.)  I am trying not to be nervous about this, but it is hard.  I just want a clean scan, and to begin healing, to get my energy back -- and also my hair, eyebrows, and eyelashes!  And I want this cancer to stay away forever.

I've been getting out a little more.  Went to church Sabbath before last, and it was good to see everyone.  Drove myself to Walmart the other day.  Feels good not to be dependent upon others for transportation!

I thank all of you for your prayers and emails and cards and FB posts and texts and phone calls.  And I thank God for answering your prayers and being with me and taking such good care of me!

Much love to you all.  I promise not to keep you waiting; will let you know what the doctor says as soon as I can.
Caroline ♥

Saturday, June 23, 2012

5 More Days...

Only FIVE more days until the last chemo treatment!  As I wrote to a friend recently, I can't even believe I am considering going through with round 6.  Round 5 was pretty awful, and I cried out several times during that time that there would be no more chemo!   But I am feeling better now, praise God, and round 6 approaches....


The doctor had said that the effects of each treatment were cumulative and that rounds 4, 5, and 6 were very likely to be worse than rounds 1, 2, and 3.  I was hoping and praying that wouldn't be the case, since round 4 wasn't that bad.


As I mentioned in my previous post, I had decided to forego the Benadryl during round 5, because it gave me restless legs when it wore off.  The nurses give the Benadryl to counteract any potential allergic reaction to the chemo drug(s).  After talking with the nurse, we felt I would be fine without it.  Well, after the treatment, before I was unhooked and set free, I went to the restroom.  While in there, I noticed my hands and stomach were bright red!   I came out and calmly told the nurse about it, and she said it was an allergic reaction to the chemo.  She couldn't get over how calm I had been -- she kept mentioning it.  She then gave me the Benadryl after all -- good thing I was still hooked up.


I was pretty out of it and fell asleep early that night, without dinner and without my laxatives.  Big mistake, as the treatments are very constipating.  Over the next few days, the  aching and fatigue and nausea set in worse than usual, and my gut refused to work.  I lost my appetite and lost weight.  And the neuropathy in my hands and feet started, with the tingling and aching.  I even had some tingling around my nose and mouth, which was scary.  (That went away after the first day, thank God.)  I looked it up on the internet, which wasn't very encouraging.  It said the neuropathy could get better, or it could get worse, and that sometimes it could be permanent.  Big help that was!  That didn't help my emotional state any, and I cried a lot of the time.  To top it off, I wasn't sleeping well for several days in a row, and thought I would go crazy.


To make a long story short, God helped me through all of this in various ways.  My mom was here during the worst of it, and she was a big help.  The doctor prescribed a more effective version of my sleeping med (a time-released version), and suggested something that helped my gut begin to work.  My family helped massage my hands and feet, and the neuropathy subsided somewhat, especially in my hands.  My legs and feet still ache and tingle periodically, especially in the evenings when I am worn out.  My hands tingle once in a while.  My nausea subsided and my appetite returned.  Unfortunately, I am still plagued by fatigue, even when I get a decent night's sleep.  It is hard to explain -- it is a different kind of fatigue -- caused by the chemo.  It's hard because I have so little energy to do the things I used to do.  And that leads to even more boredom, and more emotional episodes.


The doctor prescribed an anti-depressant a couple of weeks ago, which I was reluctant to take.  I hate taking medications.  I hardly ever took even a Tylenol before I got sick.  Anyway, this med may take several weeks for it to really help.  I had stopped taking it during the worst of this experience, and the p.a. told me to give it a chance and continue taking it.  It is known to possibly help with hot flashes, and I think it might be doing that (not sure).  I think that it, combined with the timed-release sleeping med, might be allowing me to get a bit more sleep than I used to get.  So that is good.  :)  (My wonderful husband and daughter also give me massages before I sleep, which helps tremendously!)


I am afraid of these meds and of the withdrawal symptoms I might have if I ever want to stop using them.  But I am also tired of being depressed and crying all the time, so I am going ahead and trying the meds and hoping they will help.  It's so hard to know what to do....


So now I'm 5 days away from round 6.  I intend to ask the doctor to "tweak" the chemo meds, to try to avoid any severe neuropathy or other effects.  Please pray for me as I go through this final round.  Can't wait until this is all over!  


I praise God for helping me through.  He is always with me, even when I can't feel Him working.  


Thank you all for your love and prayers.  


<3  Caroline



Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Latest Happenings

Hello there, my wonderful friends and family!

Past time for another update, I think.  :-)

Just wanted to let everyone know that I'm doing well.  I am so blessed and God is so good.  I have very little physical pain.  Anything I do have I think qualifies more as discomfort than pain -- irritable legs and feet in the evenings, and --ugh! (the worst) -- hot flashes night and day!  They are awful.  My body temperature goes from hot to cold and back again quite frequently.  It is so frustrating.  And at night time it is more than frustrating -- it can be tear-inducing -- as I toss and turn and toss and turn.  I am using low-dose estrogen patches which the doctor reluctantly prescribed, so I guess it would be worse if I didn't have that!  Talked with the doctor about it when I went for my last chemo treatment, and she said she didn't want me to have anything stronger, PLUS she wasn't going to continue the patches after the chemo treatments were finished.  Too risky I guess.  Oh...no....  I am trying not to think about what life might be like then.  It is already so hard now; getting so little sleep!  God must be sustaining me through the days and giving me energy.  Please pray for me about this, that my body can make adjustments and the hot flashes can go away soon!

I praise God that the chemo effects I experience are so minor though, especially when I know others have it so much worse.  I have seen some patients at the cancer center curled up in pain or throwing up into a trashcan.  Yes, I am blessed.

I am still experiencing what I call "emotional" or "mental" pain -- the weepiness I spoke of earlier.  And it is not easy.  But praise the Lord, I recently had a couple of days with very little of it, which gives me hope.  Last Sabbath I was feeling very well and was able to attend an anointing service for a dear friend after church services.  I didn't attend church, but later thought that I could have.  I had not had any medications since 9 pm the previous night, and my head felt so clear and my energy level was good.  I was so happy.  That night things caught up to me a little, and I did have irritable legs and feet and did end up taking something to help me relax.

Sunday was a good day too.  Steve's co-worker and his girlfriend (will call her L) came over to visit.  L is very knowledgeable about natural remedies, such as herbs and such.  We had a very nice visit, and I asked her about this Chinese root with anti-cancer properties which my mom had just read about on the internet.  L highly recommended it, so I think I will try some.  I didn't realize she was also trained in acupuncture and she offered to do a treatment on me.  I wasn't sure what to think about it, but Steve and I were curious.  I know it's associated with "New Age" thinking, but not sure if that makes it bad.  There are so many things we don't know about the human body, and acupuncture has been around for thousands of years -- there must be something to it.  Well, I agreed to let her treat me, praying to God to be with me.  It didn't hurt, and I just tried to relax.  Can't say that I felt significantly better or worse afterwards; she had said that might be the case.  Very interesting experience though.  Makes me wonder if there is anything to it physically, and if it really physically helps people, or if it is more of a spiritual thing.  Yes, there is so much we don't know about our bodies, but I do know that they are wonderfully and fearfully made!  Praise the Lord!

So Sunday was another drug-free day; I felt pretty good.  But again in the evening I felt tired and a bit anxious.  I took an anxiety pill I think, no pain pills, wanting to avoid the drugs as much as possible, and not use them in the wrong way.  But sleep did not come easy.  Hot flashes took over that night and I was awake so much.  Very little sleep.

Well, then came Monday... Caley was packing to leave.  Oh, the emotions rising inside of me.  So hard!  And on Tuesday she actually left...  I am happy for her and proud of her.  She is going to lead out in the colporteur program this summer -- the same program she was a trainee in last summer.  She loves going door-to-door, meeting people, and selling Godly books and materials.  That kind of job is not for everyone, but she loves it.  So amazing that my shy little girl enjoys knocking on strangers' doors.  God can change anything!  :-)  Please pray for her success and safety this summer as she works for the Lord.  May she and the students have extra angels attending them.

Oh, but how I miss her already!  Had done a lot of housework Tuesday (yesterday) after she left to help keep my mind off of it.  And I did okay, until later when I was too tired to do any more, and I had to sit still.  Started to think (big mistake) and cry a lot.  I cried out to God to help me, but still couldn't stop.  Steve and Naomi tried to comfort me.  I was so tired, and it was getting late.  Finally I asked them to let me be alone.  I had wanted to avoid taking any pills, but finally took a pain pill and an anxiety pill together.  As I lay there I focused on deep breathing, and very soon I stopped crying and started to relax.   I slept better than I had the night before, although I still woke up a bit.  Am so thankful for the sleep.  Am thinking God doesn't always do drugless miracles like I'd like Him to; sometimes He uses doctors and modern medicines.  I just pray He will keep my body safe from ill effects and help me to be able to do away with any kind of pills eventually.  Oh, I can't wait until these chemo treatments are all over, so I can move into the next phase of regaining my strength and health.

So now it is Naomi and me.  School's out and we get to spend more time together (yay!), and she is planning on doing more cooking and cleaning to help me, now that she has more time.  She has applied for some summer jobs, but has not heard back from anyone yet.  The Tijeras Library is her choice job -- hope she gets that one.

Happy news!  My mommy is coming to visit me!  She will be here in 3 days, arriving Saturday evening, and will stay for 12 days.  So she will be here during my 5th chemo treatment.  Am looking forward to spending more time with you, Mom.  You were such a blessing to us during your last visit, even though you didn't feel well.  Am glad you're feeling better this time and I know you will be a big help.

Too bad Mom can't stay through my 6th (and last) chemo.  Am hoping the effects of these next two treatments won't be any or much worse than the first four.  The doctor said to expect that they would, as effects are cumulative, but I'm hoping she's wrong.  Well, I know I have somehow made it this far, with God's help, and I will make it through the next two treatments and then I think the doctor will do a CT scan to check me out.  My hope and prayer is that the scan will be clear and I will be able to stop any more treatments and to get on with my healing and strength-building.

As always, thank you, thank you, thank you for all the love and prayers and encouragement. Seems like I always receive a text, or facebook post, or card, or phone call just when I need them most.  Sometimes they bring on a bout of crying, as I get emotional over how blessed I am.  But they are always a good thing.  May God bless you all.  I love you bunches!

Caroline ©




Friday, May 18, 2012

Great News!

Had chemo treatment #4 yesterday and all went well.  (Have decided to forego the Benadryl next time though as it gives me restless leg syndrome and the nurse said that at this point I am highly unlikely to have an allergic reaction to the chemo drugs.)

Feeling good so far, but that is normal for day 2.  Chemo effects will probably kick in tonight or tomorrow.  (Thank you for your prayers!)  EDIT:  Stomach just started hurting right after I posted this!  Not sure why -- hope it's not the chemo kicking in so early!

The BEST news is that I got my bloodwork results and my CA125 (Cancer Antigen 125) level is now within "normal" range.  Before my surgery it was 120, right before treatment #2 it was 109, right before treatment #3 it was 50, and right before this last treatment it was 11!

Praise God!  The CA125 is not a perfect indicator, but a very good indicator that my chemotherapy treatments are working.  My doctor was VERY happy, and so are we!

Jesus is so kind and loving and merciful and awesome and trustworthy and praiseworthy.  I praise You and thank You, my Lord and Savior, my wonderful God, for all You have done and are doing in my life.  I Love You!

And, as always, thank you my friends and family for your love and prayers.  You lift me up and I love you, too!

Caroline