5 More Days...

Only FIVE more days until the last chemo treatment!  As I wrote to a friend recently, I can't even believe I am considering going through with round 6.  Round 5 was pretty awful, and I cried out several times during that time that there would be no more chemo!   But I am feeling better now, praise God, and round 6 approaches....


The doctor had said that the effects of each treatment were cumulative and that rounds 4, 5, and 6 were very likely to be worse than rounds 1, 2, and 3.  I was hoping and praying that wouldn't be the case, since round 4 wasn't that bad.


As I mentioned in my previous post, I had decided to forego the Benadryl during round 5, because it gave me restless legs when it wore off.  The nurses give the Benadryl to counteract any potential allergic reaction to the chemo drug(s).  After talking with the nurse, we felt I would be fine without it.  Well, after the treatment, before I was unhooked and set free, I went to the restroom.  While in there, I noticed my hands and stomach were bright red!   I came out and calmly told the nurse about it, and she said it was an allergic reaction to the chemo.  She couldn't get over how calm I had been -- she kept mentioning it.  She then gave me the Benadryl after all -- good thing I was still hooked up.


I was pretty out of it and fell asleep early that night, without dinner and without my laxatives.  Big mistake, as the treatments are very constipating.  Over the next few days, the  aching and fatigue and nausea set in worse than usual, and my gut refused to work.  I lost my appetite and lost weight.  And the neuropathy in my hands and feet started, with the tingling and aching.  I even had some tingling around my nose and mouth, which was scary.  (That went away after the first day, thank God.)  I looked it up on the internet, which wasn't very encouraging.  It said the neuropathy could get better, or it could get worse, and that sometimes it could be permanent.  Big help that was!  That didn't help my emotional state any, and I cried a lot of the time.  To top it off, I wasn't sleeping well for several days in a row, and thought I would go crazy.


To make a long story short, God helped me through all of this in various ways.  My mom was here during the worst of it, and she was a big help.  The doctor prescribed a more effective version of my sleeping med (a time-released version), and suggested something that helped my gut begin to work.  My family helped massage my hands and feet, and the neuropathy subsided somewhat, especially in my hands.  My legs and feet still ache and tingle periodically, especially in the evenings when I am worn out.  My hands tingle once in a while.  My nausea subsided and my appetite returned.  Unfortunately, I am still plagued by fatigue, even when I get a decent night's sleep.  It is hard to explain -- it is a different kind of fatigue -- caused by the chemo.  It's hard because I have so little energy to do the things I used to do.  And that leads to even more boredom, and more emotional episodes.


The doctor prescribed an anti-depressant a couple of weeks ago, which I was reluctant to take.  I hate taking medications.  I hardly ever took even a Tylenol before I got sick.  Anyway, this med may take several weeks for it to really help.  I had stopped taking it during the worst of this experience, and the p.a. told me to give it a chance and continue taking it.  It is known to possibly help with hot flashes, and I think it might be doing that (not sure).  I think that it, combined with the timed-release sleeping med, might be allowing me to get a bit more sleep than I used to get.  So that is good.  :)  (My wonderful husband and daughter also give me massages before I sleep, which helps tremendously!)


I am afraid of these meds and of the withdrawal symptoms I might have if I ever want to stop using them.  But I am also tired of being depressed and crying all the time, so I am going ahead and trying the meds and hoping they will help.  It's so hard to know what to do....


So now I'm 5 days away from round 6.  I intend to ask the doctor to "tweak" the chemo meds, to try to avoid any severe neuropathy or other effects.  Please pray for me as I go through this final round.  Can't wait until this is all over!  


I praise God for helping me through.  He is always with me, even when I can't feel Him working.  


Thank you all for your love and prayers.  


<3  Caroline